A Filk of the Musical “Grease”
Written by Ka`Leo and Elnea
Score arrangement by Accapella and Elnea

Story based on characters, situations and created by the writers, producers, directors, cast and crew of "Farscape"

Cast of Characters

The Crew

JOHN JOHN: A lost human astronaut
AERYN SUN: His Peacekeeper on-again-off-again girlfriend
D'ARGO: Luxan warrior and captain of the crew
CHIANA: His on-again-off-again Nebari girlfriend
RYGEL: A Deposed Hynerian Dominar
SIKOZU SHANU: A gravity-defying mercenary genius
NORANTI: A 293-year-old herbalist
SCORPIUS: Half-breed Sebacean/Scarren PK and John's nemesis
PILOT: Symbiotic pilot of Moya
MOYA: A living Leviathan ship

The Bad Guys

GRAYZA: A PK high commander intent on revenge against Crichton
CAPTAIN BRACA: Grayza's lackey, and double agent for Scorpius

The Spirits

PA'U ZOTOH ZHAAN: A Delvian Priest who traded her life for Aeryn's
BIALAR CRAIS: A PK Captain who traded his life for the crew's
TALYN: Moya's warship child, who sacrificed himself with Captain Crais

The Helpers

ANNOUNCER: The Announcer
THE DRDs: Helpful little droids who do great chorus numbers
1812: Crichton's special DRD pet

Song List

Moya Nights
Endlessly Outvoted/Recently Demoted
Go Go Farscape!
Peacekeeper Dropout
I'm No Fun I'm Aeryn Sun
This Magic Potion
Aeryn
Scorpy My Dear
There Are Worse Things I Could Do
You're the One That I Love
We Go Together
Farscape Fans are Here to Stay (Vocal Parts Only)

Dedication

Dedicated to the Cast and Crew of Farscape, the Cast and Crew of the SACC Opera Company, the ScaperCon Committee, all ScaperCon Attendees, the Farscape BBoard and Chat Participants, and Farscape Fans Worldwide.

We will miss you.

- Ka`Leo and Elnea

Disclaimers: Utterly no claim is made whatsoever to the characters, situations or concepts found within “Farscape” or the music, lyrics or concepts of “Grease”, or the musical arrangement of the Hal-Leonard Corporation Score. This score and production is meant only for fun and this score or any recording or performance made from it may not be sold, or used for profit in any way, shape or form by any person or group.

Original Grease Musical by Jim Jacobs and Warren Casey

Score based on “Grease is Still the Word” Vocal Selections and Easy Piano. Hal-Leonard Corporation ISBN 0-634-00174-4

Original Song Credits:

“Summer Nights”, “Greased Lightning”,”Beauty School Dropout”, “Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee”,”Those Magic Changes”,”Freddy My Love”, “There are Worse Things I Could Do”, and “We Go Together”: Lyrics and Music by Warren Casey and Jim Jacobs ©1971, 1972

ACT I

Scene I

Staging Notes: 2 sets of 3 chairs are brought out - make semi circle with each - with divider in between.

D'Argo, Rygel, and Crichton are sitting on stage left, Aeryn Sun, Sikozu, Noranti and Chiana, are on stage right with a divider between them. DRD's in the background - a couple on each side.

ANNOUNCER: Previously, on Froonium ...

D'ARGO: John, you haven't seemed yourself lately, is there something bothering you?

JOHN: Yeah D'Argo. I've been thinkin' about Aeryn a lot lately, about all that's happened to us ...

D'ARGO: (sarcastic) Gee!! That's new.

JOHN: I know. I know. She's ALL I think about ... well, that and getting home, but you know how that love thang goes doncha Heavy D?

D'ARGO: Yes John. I too have had my share of heartache since we escaped from the Peacekeepers aboard Moya.

RYGEL: (sarcastic laugh) Well, *I* of course didn't feel a thing for Orrhn ... she was just a trelk who merely served to satisfy my urges ... (evil laugh)

JOHN: Oh right!!! WE KNOW how much she didn't mean to you Rygeeee (speaking in Orrhn's voice) and please don't ever bring that horrible visual up to me again! Slug love, on this week's Nova.

D'ARGO: (laughing out loud) Yes, PLEASE don't do that. If I never think about that again, it will be too soon for me.

RYGEL: Well, just because the two of you are jealous that *I* have been getting more action than the two of you around here lately. (smug laugh) Don't take it out on ME!

JOHN: Can it, Sparky (pushes Rygel back) Can't a guy sulk in peace??

SCORPIUS: (enters from stage left) Hello John. It seems to me you all spend far too much time worrying about your ... ah ... love lives.

JOHN: Go away Scorpy....

D'ARGO: Well, John, if you ever want to talk to me, you know I'm here ...

Spotlight to side with girls.

CHIANA: Hey Aeryn! So what's up with you and Crichton lately? You two ever gonna get your dren together??

NORANTI: I think what Chiana means is that you ARE pregnant ... and the chances are it is John's child. Why does he keep putting you off?

AERYN: Well, since Chiana blabbed the news to him before I was ready I guess it took him by surprise. (sigh) Now he resents me for not telling him myself ... and I don't know if things will ever be the same between us.

SIKOZU: I really don't know what to make of all that. Chiana told me John was *twinned*??

CHIANA: Yeah, he was ... and for the life of me, I never could understand why Aeryn thought that was a BAD thing (makes lewd gesture). Aeryn sandwich!!

AERYN: Ughhhh....

SIKOZU: But then the other Crichton died?

AERYN: I know, Sikozu, and I have to reset my brain and remember that they are ... er ... they were ... er ... He IS basically the same person inside ... just one of them was with me ... and the other wasn't ... its STILL John. But anyway ... that was then and this is now, and I have to realize that he may never come around. I still have the memories though. Besides, are you forgetting that THIS John and I had a relationship before the crews were split up?

NORANTI: Yes ... but THIS Crichton isn't the one who was on Talyn with you, and now you're stuck here on Moya together. Obviously something has to get settled between the two of you if you want to co-exist here

CHIANA: Maybe you should just show up naked in his quarters & give him a little incentive.

AERYN: Well, unlike, you, Chiana, I don't settle things like that. I'm used to using my *gun* to solve my problems.

CHIANA: So is Crichton. That's exactly why I suggested you show up naked in his quarters...

MOYA NIGHTS (Summer Nights)

JOHN: Shot through a wormhole...came out with a blast
AERYN: Got stuck on Moya, happened so fast
JOHN: Met a girl... beat the dren outta me!
AERYN: Met a guy ... got me down on my knees ...
BOTH: Moya Days ... fighting PKs ... but oh oh the Moya nights ...

ALL: Well –a wella – wella – Huh!
GUYS: Tell me more, tell me more
D'ARGO: Like was Earth the first time?
GIRLS: Tell me more, tell me more
CHIANA: How's his naked behind?

GIRLS: Uh Huh
GUYS: Doo Doo
GIRLS: Uh Huh
GUYS: Doo Doo
GIRLS: Uh Huh
GUYS: Doo Doo Doo Doo

JOHN: Had to save her, ended up in the Chair
AERYN: His mind got frelled up, in Scorpy's lair
JOHN: Said I loved her, but it wasn't me
AERYN: Sent me falling, into the sea
BOTH: I/They all cried, when Aeryn/I died ... they were oh oh so sad Moya nights

ALL: A -well –a wella – wella – Huh!
GIRLS: Tell me more, tell me more
SIKOZU: What's it like being dead?
GUYS: Tell me more, tell me more
SCORPIUS: Was Harvey in your head?

GIRLS: Down-Doobee-Doo-Doobee-Doo-Doobee-Doobee-Doobee
GUYS: Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh-Uh-Uh

JOHN: Made out with Jena, had one helluva of a time
AERYN: Stuck with some dude, who couldn't rock climb
JOHN: Forced to marry, then turned to stone
AERYN: He was a statue, up on some throne
BOTH: The Scarran forced, a quickie divorce ... we went back to more Moya nights

ALL: Whoa-Whoa-Whoa
GUYS: Tell me more, tell me more
RYGEL: What's it like being stoned?
GIRLS: Tell me more, tell me more
NORANTI: How'd you get him dethroned?

ALL: Shoo-Bop-Bop, Shoo-Bop-Bop, Shoo-Bop-Bop Yeah!

JOHN: Some time later, I got myself twinned
AERYN: I couldn't choose, got frustrated again
JOHN: I got jealous, then they had to leave
AERYN: Talyn got jealous, and tried to deceive
BOTH: Twisted days ... in *SO* many ways...but back to more Moya nights.

GUYS: Tell me more, tell me more
SCORPIUS: Is the other John dead?
GIRLS: Tell me more, tell me more
CHIANA: Which one was better in bed?

BOTH: We're both here now ... but will it end?
JOHN: Gone too far now, just to be friends ...
AERYN: He's the man, who's captured my heart
JOHN: Wonder if, we can make a new start?
BOTH: All our dreams, ripped at the seams ... maybe ... but ... those Moya
AERYN: (spoken) and Talyn
BOTH: Ni-ights

ALL: (very slowly) Tell me more, tell me mo-oooore!

SCENE 2

Scene Change: Move divider and cast move to side of stage - view screen/Moya command put in center stage and Grayza and Braca site behind view screen out of site. Also set up mic behind view screen/Moya command.

ANNOUNCER: And now ... on Froonium ...

PILOT'S VOICE: (with pilot on the halfshell slide) Captain D'Argo, I have intercepted a Peacekeeper transmission that is clearly directed at us. It seems to be several days old.

D'ARGO: Let's see it

Staging Notes: Grayza and Braca get up from behind prop when Pilot starts talking ... GRAYZA appears with BRACA standing just behind her. As she begins to speak, he first begins sniffing the back of her neck, and then starts kissing it, getting more enthusiastic and making increasingly loud grunting and smooching noises ...

GRAYZA: This is Commandant Mele-On Grayza of Peacekeeper Command. We are in search of a renegade Leviathan and its crew. This crew includes the notorious John Crichton, who is wanted for murder, treason, robbery and acts of war against the Peacekeeper Union. With him is ... Captain Braca! (She does not turn her head, but looks pissed off and says his name with gritted teeth)

BRACA: Oh! I'm sorry ma'am!!

Braca jumps back. Then he immediately starts in again.

GRAYZA: With him is the traitor Peacekeeper Officer Aeryn Sun, as well as a Luxan named Ka D'Argo, and the Hynerian, Dominar Rygel the XVIth. All are wanted for high crimes. It is, however, imperative that Crichton be taken alive. A reward of ... Captain Braca!

BRACA: (sarcastic) Yes ma'am!!!

Braca startles, looks worried, then starts in again.

GRAYZA: A reward of 1 million ... oh for the love of chilnak!

Exasperated, GRAYZA grabs BRACA's head and presses his face to her breast so she can finish. Continued smooching and grunts are heard.

GRAYZA: A reward of 1 million credits for information leading to the capture of these very dangerous criminals is being offered by Peacekeeper Command. That is all.

GRAYZA: (looks off camera) End transmission ... now, get me a pair of magcuffs. Someone needs a spanking!

The transmission ends/spotlight goes off - Grayza and Braca just duck back behind Moya Command and wait till scene ends or good time to go offstage.

AERYN: (sarcastic) Well, now I know why they haven't caught us yet...

CHIANA: See there ... now she knows how to keep a man happy!

JOHN: Hey Scorpy, Braca ever do anything like that for you?

SCORPIUS: Mercifully, no.

SIKOZU: As Crichton would say, Scorpius is “dead butch”.

(All pause for a beat. There is stifled giggling and coughing)

JOHN: Well, anyway, D'Argo, if you don't mind, I'd like to check out that wormhole I told you about.

RYGEL: Haven't we drifted around this part of space long enough?

SIKOZU: Surely Commander Grayza and the Peacekeepers will catch up to us soon. Clearly they are on our trail. We should move on.

JOHN: Look, its an old transmission and we haven't seen hide nor hair of Juicy Boobs OR the Command Carrier in a moen. But this part of space is brimming with potential wormholes. Can't swing a cat without hittin' one!

SCORPIUS: (interested) How can you tell?

RYGEL: Let's starburst out of here before something terrible happens like it does at the end of EVERY weekend, 22 weekends out of the cycle, with usually a hiatus in the winter.

D'ARGO: How long would you need?

JOHN: An arn or two, tops, buddy.

RYGEL: No one ever listens to me

CHIANA: I listen to you, Froggy, I just don't care what you say.

SCORPIUS: John, shouldn't I accompany you?

JOHN: Ha! Then you woke up in a puddle.

D'ARGO: I'm the Captain here. Go John.

Staging Notes: RYGEL and SCORPIUS approach the front of the stage. The rest of the cast freezes. And then stage crew will take off view screen/Moya command and put on stage Farscape One module (same as last year is fine) while the song is going on.

ENDLESSLY OUTVOTED, RECENTLY DEMOTED (Hopelessly Devoted)

RYGEL: Sometimes it's like I have not spoken
I think some respect is overdue
Just because I'm small, my words are always overruled
I never hear a “Sir” or “Thank you”
You yotzes just don't have a clue
But I'll just see it through, there's nothing else for me to do
I'm constantly outvoted by you

So I'm just biding my time
Since you push my help aside
And when you're all dead,
then you'll see this toad laugh at you
Hope you all explode its true
I'm endlessly outvoted by you.

SCORPIUS: Some days I think "Fool! Forget you!"
But my fear of Scarrens won't let it go
I must get to the code
That the fates bestowed on you
And then you will be hopelessly screwed

But you'll have nowhere to hide
If you push my help aside
My clone's out of your head
Recently demoted by you
Until your mind's unloaded, you'll do
‘Til then I'll be devoted to you

After song rest of crew unfreezes and continues...

SIKOZU: Even if you insist on doing these experiments, isn't it safer to equip a shuttle? You could carry passengers, and your module is barely holding together

SCORPIUS: The seating is a little cramped

JOHN: Cozy

CHIANA: It is a bit ... scuffed

JOHN: That's the patina. Hey the Farscape One has character! An E-ticket!

RYGEL: It's a piece of dren

D'ARGO: John, I have to admit, it seems you've wasted a lot of valuable time working on this module.

JOHN: Hey watch it D, these modifications I've made to this baby will make her fly through a wormhole like a '57 T-bird through the middle of mainstreet!

Staging Notes: We are going to use the same movements in the movie when they sing the chorus (Go go Farscape, etc) - one arm movement then the other - we will keep it simple. As for what to do in this instrumental section - we will all just go around the shuttle pretending to work on it - shine it up - mess around with each other - whatever comes to mind. Or if Elfie comes up with a dance - so be it LOL! Watch the movie - you will see what I mean for the arm movements in this song - and then at the end of the song - I want Elflore to be just like Travolta - up in the module (on a chair) in that pose he does - it is cool!

GO GO FARSCAPE (Greased Lightning)

JOHN: Its BLAST-o-matic ... its FAST-o-matic ... its FROON-o-matic ... Go Farscape One!

JOHN: We'll get some space and time shifters and some polish on the fins oh yeah ...
ALL: Keep talkin' oh keep talkin' ...
JOHN: Froonium drive and some overdrive pins oh yeah ...
D'ARGO: We got the money
RYGEL: Oh, it's a waste of money
JOHN: With a cockpit for two, we'll know just what to do ...
I'll be doin' lotsa tricks when I'm hittin' hetch 6, go Farscape!
ALL: Go! Go! Go! GoGo GoGo GoGo GoGo!

JOHN: Go go Farscape you're burnin' up the wormholes now ...
ALL: Go Farscape! Go Go Farscape!
JOHN: Go go Farscape you're flyin' through the UT now ...
ALL: Go Farscape! Go Go Farscape!

JOHN: You are a dream
ALL: Uh Huh!
JOHN: Make Aeryn scream!
ALL: Uh Huh!
JOHN: Go Farscape!
ALL: Go! Go! Go! GoGo GoGo GoGo GoGo!

JOHN: We'll get some dual thrust blasters and a new stick shift oh yeah
WIth a jet stem thruster and a turbo cooled PK jet
With Grayza on my ass, I gotta make it fast
We'll all be goin' WEEEEEE as we cruise the galaxy, go Farscape!!
ALL: Go! Go! Go! GoGo GoGo GoGo GoGo!

JOHN: Go go Farscape you're burnin' up the wormholes now ...
ALL: Go Farscape! Go Go Farscape!
JOHN: Go go Farscape you're flyin' through the UT now ...
ALL: Go Farscape! Go Go Farscape!
JOHN: You are a dream
ALL: Uh Huh!
JOHN: Make Aeryn scream
ALL: Uh Huh!
JOHN: Go Farscape!
ALL: Go! Go! Go! GoGo GoGo GoGo GoGo!

Instrumental 14 measures (Dance John Dance!!!!!) - EVERYBODY!!!!! DANCE!!!!!!

JOHN: Go go Farscape you're burnin' up the wormholes now ...
ALL: Go Farscape! Go Go Farscape!
JOHN: Go go Farscape you're flyin' through the UT now ...
ALL: Go Farscape! Go Go Farscape!
JOHN: You are a dream
ALL: Uh Huh!
JOHN: Make Aeryn scream
ALL: Uh Huh!
JOHN: Go Farscape!
ALL: Farscape, Farscape, Farscape, Farscape, Yeah!!!!!

JOHN runs off ... ALL wave goodbye

Staging Notes: Cast exits stage left, then 3 (Amy, Leah99, and Minna) DRD's enter with Froonium Bumper Placard - Basically the Farscape Logo - but it will say Froonium - supposed to represent when the show goes off then comes back on after a commercial break :) Then Crew takes Farscape One off stage.

END ACT I –Lights Out.

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