OK… I have been asked to write a review of Kansas, which I have just watched for about the fourth time tonight. I warn you here and now I suck at these so read on at your own peril.

Episode opens… a few flash backs to the previous episode, John getting sucked down the wormhole, talking to Einstein, blah blah blah… Now obviously everyone aboard Moya is concerned so they are all in command wondering what has happened and where he is… so obviously they are trying to contact him on comms… and it works… how? Beats me also seems slightly improbable… I think they were trying to suggest the signals were coming through the wormhole… only problem is the wormhole wasn’t there, but lets just move on shall we. 

So they are gearing up for a rescue… so they all decide to go along... D’Argo, Aeryn, Rygel, Chiana and even Granny… but left Scorpius and Sputnik on Moya whom D’Argo gets to shut down so that the two left behind couldn’t make a run for it. 

So off they go into D’Argo’s ship following this mysterious signal of Johns as he sings about six hundred bottles of beer on a wall, hey presto wormhole opens and off they go down the rabbit hole after John. 

They arrive above earth where John is hanging out singing campfire songs, they pick him up and listen to some radio signals and discover they have arrived back in the time of giant shoulders for woman and power ties for men. Oh and Regan is president. So following the advice he has been given, that has worked out so great for him so far, off he goes to put this first thing that’s gone wrong right so that the timeline will remain the same. 

At this point we get introduced to family, his mother, father and one sister. Jack looks way much younger with brown hair BTW. So we find out what’s wrong… it seems that Jack has been appointed mission commander for the Enterprise shuttle mission that went so disastrously wrong, which never happened as far as John is concerned, so that’s what he has to put right. 

It is also at this point we are introduced to... John Crichton the younger as he has an argument with his father and storms away from the house. At this point John thinks it’s a good idea to steal some milk and have a chat with an old girlfriend... who remarks how like John he looks…(a running theme through this ep.) 

So off he goes to talk some sense into himself. After a little chat that involves bouncing up and down on the back of the truck to test the suspension and dispense a little advice on where he should take his girlfriend for an romantic interlude, he tries to talk himself into stopping his father taking the mission. Obviously as all Johns plans go this does not go well. 

Meanwhile back at the ranch… or rather an abandoned house that John Knows of and has taken everyone to, D’Argo gets the power going and the TV comes on and they all settle down to watch wheel of fortune... well all but Chiana who is trying on all these clothes… so after a while Aeryn is having a great time watching sesame street (I must admit this whole thing had me cracking up, it was so ridiculous it was funny, especially when she starts talking about the cookie monster…) 

Now it is about this time we go back to Moya… where Sputnik is complaining about the cold due to the full system shutdown that D’Argo ordered. But oh no… what’s this? A flight of marauders are coming complete with Braca and Grayza. So off go Scorpius and Sikozu to hide in the neural cluster. 

Back on Earth Chiana decides to go walk about but thankfully tomorrow was Halloween so maybe people thought she just had her timing off. So there she is giving people what she thinks is an earth greeting… (Extended middle finger, say no more) Guess who stops to admire her... you got it John Junior… So thinking she is on a way to a party he stops and picks her up, and boy the surprise on her face when she finds out he is John… so after learning that Chiana has an amazing grasp of English and John calling her Karen off they go… 

Now neighbours being neighbours they called the cops when they seen people in the supposedly abandoned house, so dutifully they come to check things out. So after a nice little chat with Aeryn outside they come inside to find ‘Kermit’ (Rygel in case you were wondering) on the couch, Aeryn explains that they thought his batteries had run out but obviously that was not the case and tosses him in the corner. Meanwhile D’Argo is disguised wearing a Football shirt and hiding behind a column that’s about half as think as he is.  

So after giving a great big sneeze and revealing his presence to the enforcer as D’Argo called him he finds himself having a gun pointed at him. At this point we discover that D’Argo’s lack of knowledge of English beyond, ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘bite me’, learned from Chiana BTW, may cause problems. 

The cop being less than impressed with being told to ‘Bite’ D’Argo insists on him removing his mask, at which point Granny, who had been sitting reading what appeared to be pizza boxes looking like a sixties reject who done far too many drugs, steps in and blows a little powder the cops way. Hey presto with a little suggestion the cop see the mask comes off and staggers out of the house worse for wear. 

At this pint Aeryn who has changed into clothing that makes her look either like a groovy sixties chick… or an extra in Scooby doo, decides that she has to go and tell John that things are starting to go a little… awkwardly. So off she goes walking at random and just so happens to meet John who comments that she look a little like Cher, to which Aeryn asks ‘Is that a good thing?’ don’t know about you but I think if I told any woman that they looked like Cher I would be getting hit. Thank got MTV never reached the UT’s. 

Now its at this point things get a little weird… it turns out Johns mom is heavily into tarot card reading and such like. So John knowing this says he done a reading and that she should stop her husband leaving until Monday and using his knowledge of his family makes he believe that he is some sort of super mystic or something. 

Now it is time for John to think of a plan to stop his father from leaving on the Challenger mission. Now it turns out that seventeen years prior in John’s personal timeline he was caught in a fire and was in a coma for two days and it was this that made his father decide not to accept the challenger mission. So he decides to recreate something similar. It is at this point he realizes that Chiana is missing… but wait... Isn’t that what Aeryn left to tell him about in the first place? Or maybe she just felt that it was unimportant that an alien was wandering about among all those shoulder pads. 

Now John junior and Chiana are sitting having what can only be really described as a bitching session about there respective fathers. Why? Beats me, beyond knowing that Chiana must have had a father that’s about all I know about the guy. 

It is now time for some light comic relief… so enter the poor confused cop who once again falls foul of Noranti and her powder, only this time he gets ‘hello cookie monster’ before she blows the stuff in his face. When we see him next his is sitting in an empty pool being a guinea pig for the potion Noranti is brewing up to make John Junior look like he is in a coma. D’Argo when he comes along decides that enough is enough and it is time to get rid of the cop. 

So bundling him in the back of his own squad car along with Noranti, D’Argo gets in front and commands ‘machine, Go.’ Obviously this is a cheep car as nothing happens and Noranti has to suggest he turn the ignition keys which he does and then warns her to ‘prepare for engagement’ so after backing the car out over the obligatory garbage cans having a chat with the nosey neighbour that involved the traditional earth greeting (see above) off he drives kangarooing it down the road. 

Back on Moya the PK’s have arrived and Braca and Grayzar are having a chat with Pilot who says in all honesty he does not know where Crichton is. So off they go to search the tiers, Braca being all brave goes off to search the neural cluster on his own. 

On earth Rygel is in the middle of the biggest sugar high ever witnessed. It seems that while they are all bust trying to save the universe, as they know it, they had time to pop down to the grocery store and pick up some candy and pumpkins that Rygel is currently carving to make look scary.  The poor mite is convinced that candy is an illegal drug and wants more of it, no matter how much it costs. 

Back on Moya Sikozu is trying to get Scorpius to go hide with his is the neural something or other but he refuses and tells her he will be fine where he is but that she should go… which she does. Lucky really, because Braca appears not long after and is surprised to see that Scorpius is alive and says so out loud. Scorpius asks how many troops are aboard and Braca tells him… and receives a kiss on the forehead from Scorpy… al in al this scene was rather… disturbing… you’ll see what I mean on the 10th. But it turns out that Braca was Scorpy’s spy (hands up all those that were surprised? What? No one?) 

Now back in the abandoned house D’Argo is getting everything set for Johns plan to burn own the house so that his father can rescue him from it and thus decide not to go on the Challenger mission. John goes to get himself and bumps into Chiana as he watches his parents act completely unnatural... (By that I mean smile and act happy around each other) 

So off they go to get John Junior who is hanging out with his girlfriend Kim who seems to have taken a liking to John senior… Chiana takes care of that and knocks the poor girl out into John’s arms. Where is John Junior while all this is going on you ask… well he is off skimming stones… makes perfect sense... somewhere… hopefully… 

Anyway… Chiana offers to deal with Junior… no questions asked. Big red alert sign going off here people… or was i the only one to notice it? 

Back at the house Rygel has taken care of his addiction to candy by inviting in guisers then stealing candy from them as they run away in panic. It turns out that Granny needs another half Arn to get her potion right… so Chiana has to keep Junior occupied for that time… anyone wonder how she does it? That’s right, a deep philosophical discussion on Russian poetry. 

On Moya we find out that Grazas plans for an alliance with the Scarrans is going ahead. Scorpy tells Braca he must stall it, and that it could be the single most important thing he would ever do. 

Back on earth the comedy cops returns this time with a partner and a warrant. In the house Chiana has fed Junior the potion of Norantis, which immediately kills him. Something to do with differing body masses between the cop and Junior. So John Senior starts fading out of existence. But it’s ok… Noranti revives him but John remains see-through. The cops bust in the house and get knocked out and John goes to do the Casper the friendly ghost routine and warn him mom that he (junior) is in danger and should get his dad over to rescue him. 

On Moya Graza is convinced that John is not on board and orders that Braca prepare the marauders so that they can go meet with the Scarrans. But it seems she has left a little gift behind for John, some weird alien that Moya cannot sense along with a sample of Johns DNA so that he can be identified and captured. 

Noranti meanwhile is going around drugging the witness to make them forget. She starts with Junior telling him to forget everything… Chiana adds ‘except Karen Shaw and the four wheel drive’ so Noranti drugs every one except the comedy cop as D’Argo has set the pyrotechnics and smoke is billowing out the house. 

Jack arrives in a hurry shouting for John, enters the house hit a lamp hanging from the ceiling… and knocks himself out. It must have been one of those stun lamps you hear about because I have done that a few times myself and never once managed to fall unconscious on the floor. 

Outside John and D’Argo realise their plan is working about as well as they normally do and have to go enter the house to rescue but junior and Jack. So they go in and drag them out. Once outside Jack wakes up and checks on junior but as he stands he sees John and they make eye contact. Then John is over the wall and away. 

So next we see the crew all happily flying about in space looking for Moya. I can only presume that John has Guided them to where he last seen her, hopefully after the last time he was there… but she is not there. Thankfully however that weird signal thing that never gets explained is still working, so they lock onto it as they did before and fly down the wormhole and find Moya at the end of it. In orbit around earth in the year 2003…(John checks to make sure this time) 

The crew are quite surprised by this, since, as far they knew they had arranged to meet Moya back in chaotic space and not in orbit of earth. So due to this inconsistency, instead of them all laving the ship gunned up just in case, John exits the ship alone and lo and behold who is there but his father looking, as we know him with his grey hair, waiting to greet him along with three other people. He steps forward to greet his son only to have a pulse pistol pointed at him. At this point John asks the question, ‘Was it the Bat or the Tralk?’ at least I think that’s what he said… At first I though it might have been ‘was it the bath or the trailer’ but that didn’t make much sense. 

And guess what happened next… well your going to have too because I don’t know.

‘To be Concluded’ it said… annoying I know but hey such is life. 

I really enjoyed this Ep. I thought it was a riot. A laugh a minute really. Some of the jokes were just so bad you had to laugh. I would ay this is one of the good episodes, not a great but it doesn’t fall far short of that category and after the offering of coup by Clam it is a relief to see Farscape back doing what it does best… not taking itself too seriously and having fun doing it. 

UK Review by Toadie

Email your comments, compliments or vague sense of disappointment to rescaped@btinternet.com